idiotic

okay...a lil bg info on why i was mad on facebook...
my dad was very abusive to my siblings and i growing up, and is still acting the same way, even tho i have actually given him an ultimatum (sp?) through letter (sort of a confrontation of sorts) that he either stop it, or i have to break it off. i had also laid out some boundaries and he has done everything he can to literally just come really close to crossing it and then backing off. he's done this song and dance for about six years now (gave him the letter the year i found out i was pg with alayna).

his latest thing i know sounds minor, but if you know him...you'd know it's not...he has had minor heart problems over the last year. recently he went to a dr appt and had his pacemaker checked out or something, whatever..., etc...he's so sure he's gonna have a heart attack just any minute, and that's all any of us "should" be thinking about..heaven forbid we have our own lives to lead. don't get me wrong...i do care for him and think about him, and call him every now and then to see how he is doing. in fact, i called him (or at least called the house) several times over the last two months, and no one answers. i called my grandmother's house and no one answered...which is weird cuz she usually does. so i just left it at that figured that they were out, and they'd see my number on the caller id...maybe call me back. but no, i have to hear from my sister that he and my grandmother are mad cuz i "never" call to see how he is doing and how his heart it is...!! :wtf ??? excuse me? this is a little thing comparatively. i mean my sister tells me that my dad is saying horrible things about me behind my back...

now the last thing...i borrowed 25 bucks from my mother and told her i would pay her back after gary gets paid again on the third of april. and there was a fund raiser that alayna has for her school and i met mom at her work and gave her the papers for it to take home and see if dad or my grandmother wanted anything. it's called square one art orders...benefits the pta...she drew a picture and that pic can be put on stuff..magnets, tshirts, tiles, etc...anyway, my dad refused to "allow" my mom to order anything cuz i was a bad daughter and haven't called to check up on him etc...?? well, um, last i checked a phone does work both ways, and if he'd call the LANDLINE like i asked him to, and not the cell phone that eats up my minutes, i would answer it...i'm not going to waste my minutes after i have already specifically told him how to call me. i said, call the landline for all non emergencies, and if i don't answer, i'll call back later. if it's an emergency ONLY, call the cell phone, and i don't answer right away, leave a voicemail. he refuses to do that, which is stupid.

so now, i am not calling him or emailing him (which btw, he knows that address too, and my physical address), and i feel so juvenile for it. but i guess if that's the only language he knows, that's how i'll have to be. he's basically trying to guilt me into doing what he wants. after years of physical and emotional abuse i don't think i should even begin to put up with this stupid crap.

i really just want to break things off, he is just ignoring everything i told him in the letter anyway, and i'm tired of being treated like crap..i do not deserve that.

~toni